Hi guys! It's been, what, two weeks now since I last wrote something, I guess.
Honestly, I haven't really thought of much to write about lately. I just joined a new company (a bank), and at the same time, I've been debating whether this week's article should be about something completely random like this, or whether I should write another one about Piper.
I decided to go with this one. I know it's a bit unconventional.
Writing about Piper after fixing around 40 DDL & IR related bugs is exhausting. I love the project, but man, I need to get away from it for a while. I don't even think it's a hobby project anymore.
Not giving up on it. Not even close.
I just need to breathe. Breatheeeee.
Anyway, let's start!
1. Getting a phone call, video call and text
I don't know, maybe it's just me? A lot of adults still seem genuinely happy when they get a phone call.
Context matters, obviously. I'd be pretty happy if someone called me to tell me I just won the lottery jackpot. But realistically, that's probably not happening.
I'm not necessarily an introvert either.
When I was a kid, getting a phone call, a text, or even a video call meant someone wanted to talk to you. Maybe it was your aunt, uncle, grandma, or grandpa. And kid me was probably 30% happier whenever the phone rang, regardless of who was on the other end.
Now?
I usually forget to charge my phone.
Making phone calls isn't something I look forward to anymore. Neither are random texts or video calls, because when someone reaches out, it's usually because they want something from me. "Hey Adam, can I have this?" "Hey Adam, can you do that?" No one ever says, "Hey Adam, how are you? I heard you haven't been feeling well. Can I interest you in a no-strings-attached opportunity to earn a million dollars?"
But I answer anyway, because, well... I'm a salaried adult.
Apparently, getting paid every month comes with the hidden requirement of occasionally answering phone calls.
2. Staying up late
Staying up late back then, to me, meant I was a good boy. Good enough that I was allowed to stay up with the adults.
I thought adults were living the best life ever. They got to stay up late with no rules, while I had to go to bed early.
What I didn't know was that my dad had work to do on his computer, while my mom was staying up with her sisters, making pastries to prepare for our early-dawn customers.
I thought they were staying up because they were adults.
Turns out, they were just busy. or to make it harsher, they had no choice. they were the source of income.
Big me now would be happy out of this world if he got tucked into bed by 9:00pm, Netflix on, enjoying that post-shower coolness.
3. Waking up early on weekends
Kid me woke up early on purpose.
No alarm, no one shaking me awake. I'd just open my eyes, sneak into the living room, and turn the TV on with the volume low enough that only dogs could hear. Cartoon Network in the early 2010s was my whole weekend.
We also had a PS3, but it lived in my dad's closet, locked up, with the key on him at all times. He knew me too well.
And here's the thing: the best ones always aired early in the morning. Chowder. Flapjack. It was like the channel knew only the dedicated ones would be awake. If you slept in, you got whatever was left, usually a Tom & Jerry episode I'd seen more times than I can count digits of pi.
Now? I still wake up early. Maybe it's the trauma of my alarm clock. Maybe it's the kid in me, still hoping for a good cartoon. Or maybe my body is adjusting to adulthood, and I still don't feel like it. Some times I'd pull a 10 - 12 hours sleep as well.
8:00am on a Saturday, wide awake, no TV, and there's nothing waiting for me but laundry, dishes, and a phone full of notifications from people who "just have a quick question." (See #1.)
The funny part is that kid me wanted to stay up late (#2) and wake up early at the same time, and somehow had the energy for both. Adult me has the freedom to do either, and wants neither.
4. Waiting for things to load
Kid me had the patience of a monk.
I grew up on YouTube with terrible internet. Pressing play meant watching that little circle spin for what felt like a geological era, then getting ten seconds of video before it buffered again. My strategy was to pause it, let the gray bar crawl forward, go do something else, and come back when enough of the video had loaded. Not once did I think, "this is unacceptable."
Games were the same. My dad introduced 12-year-old me to GTA Vice City, which is a wild thing to hand a kid, especially from the same man who locked the PS3 in a closet. (See #3. The man had a system, apparently.) Nothing about it was instant. Installing, loading, waiting. I sat there and waited, because the reward was worth it.
Back then, I'd watch a progress bar like it was a movie.
Now?
Everything loads instantly, and I get impatient after two seconds. A video takes three seconds to start and I'm already checking if the wifi is down. A page hesitates and I close the tab like it personally insulted me.
I went from waiting twenty minutes for a video to rage-quitting a spinner. Somewhere along the way, faster internet made me slower at being patient.
5. Wanting to grow up
Kid me couldn't wait to be an adult.
Every time someone asked what I wanted, the answer was basically "to be older." I wanted to stay up late with the grown-ups. I wanted my own money, and nobody telling me when to sleep, what to watch, or which closet the PS3 was locked in. Adults looked like they had all the answers and all the keys.
Now I'm old enough, and I'd like to speak to whoever was in charge of the brochure.
Nobody mentioned that "freedom" comes with a calendar full of deadlines. Or that the phone I couldn't wait to own would mostly ring with people who need something (#1). Or that the late nights I envied were just people working while the rest of the house slept (#2). Or that I'd wake up at 6:00am on a Saturday with no cartoons to wake up for (#3). Or that I'd get impatient with a two-second loading screen after growing up on buffering (#4).
and somewhere in all of this, I realized the adults I looked up to weren't living the best life ever. They were just carrying a lot, quietly, so the kids could stay excited about things. My parents did it with pastries and late nights. My relatives did it with envelopes. My dad did it with a very strategic closet key.
What now?
What do you mean, what now? There's nothing you can do about it. I traded the state of worrying about nothing for an adult life, and while it's not the most pleasant experience of all, kid me doesn't get to say, "I wanna take a dirt bike and ride it across a Cambodian jungle, then eat junk food after I'm done."
Adult me can. No one's locking that in a closet.
Sure, the phone still rings with people who need something. I still stay up late because I have to, and I still wake up early with no cartoons waiting. But I also have the keys now. Every closet in the house is mine to open, and nobody can tell me not to.
So maybe the excitement didn't disappear. Maybe it just moved. It used to be in a Saturday morning cartoon, and now it's in the things I get to choose.
Live. Take risks. You never truly know you're living the moment while you're in it. Kid me didn't know either. He was too busy watching a buffering bar like it was a movie.
Anyway, that's it for this one. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go charge my phone.
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